THE BINGE

The release of this blog comes with great sensitivity to those who have also struggled with food; the very thing that is purposed to give nourishment to the vessels we live in. My first words are: you are not alone. I recognize that everyone has their own unique story when it comes to this subject matter & you are not lesser than or greater than depending on where you are on your journey. We are all {daily} ever-becoming and your story is your own of healing and freedom. So…with that said, just breathe today & know that you are deeply loved by the Creator of your heart. He is proud of you and He delights in you!

I am delighted in…

Four words that are so utterly painful to believe. Why? Why would I be delighted in when my mouth is stuffed with chocolate chips and peanut butter? Why would I be delighted in when the need for sugar has become an addiction? Why would I be delighted in when I have eaten so many treats in one sitting that I feel absolutely disgusted with myself? Dare I say…I hated myself.

This was me 8 years ago. I had reached a point in my need for physical perfection that I actually couldn’t control what perfectionism looked like anymore. Funny thing about control is that at some point, you will lose it if not intact with Truth. More on that later…

In my early 20’s through mid-20’s I found myself in a place of severe binge eating mixed with excessive exercise. I was a roller coaster of tears for many years, trying so hard to overcome but falling on my face over and over again. My struggle was a cycle that, at the time, I felt was unbreakable. My weekly habits were binging, withholding, dieting and all the while realizing my desperate need for more of Jesus. Some may say that I was just going through a hormonal or chemical imbalance. Some may say, “Oh it was just sugar…not that big of a problem.” It is ALWAYS an alarming problem when the habit that seems harmless leads to self-hatred.

I am delighted in…

These words became what I lived and breathed in my search for healing. I read my Bible. I prayed and cried. I received encouragement from my Mom and close friends. Years in and I was still struggling to find a balance to my life. And then…I read the book “Made To Crave” by Lysa Terkeurst. The description on the front is what pulled me in from the start, “Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food.” Every single word became healing balm to my aching heart…and this is where my freedom started. Slowly, I was recognizing that what my soul craved was needing to know that I was delighted in…no matter what. God’s love for me was something I could tangibly rest in. This truth became my anthem and destroyed my need for control.

And then one day…I remember waking up and thinking, “I’m confident in God’s love for me and I don’t need the highs and lows of this addiction anymore.” For me, that morning was miraculous. No more body shakes because I binged on sugar. No more need for momentary happiness to then crash into depression later. No more self-hatred.

I am delighted in…

Can you say these words?

Dear friend, we will never “arrive” this side of heaven. Our Heavenly Father is continuously refining us but the purpose is good. The passion of His heart is that we know just how deeply loved we are & that His love for us would completely change the way we do life. He wants us to stand confident in His grace regardless of where we think we should be on our journey. And when we’ve overcome one thing, it’s time to overcome another. If our lives are surrendered to Christ, we are daily being made into His likeness which requires surrender over and over again. And it’s okay. We can rest in the love of God in the wilderness and on the mountaintop.

Truth:

You are delighted in.

You are His beloved.

Nothing can separate you from His love.

Nothing!

This week, I pray for an overwhelming wave of knowing God’s love to pour out upon each of us. Be okay to sit in the silence with God. He’s not afraid of your thoughts. He’s not ashamed by your addictions. He’s not disgusted by your fears. He knows you because He made you & He is waiting…so patiently for you and I to come and lean our shoulder on His; and to rest.